A Handkerchief, Chivalry, And The Christian Man (And Woman, Too)

If you are looking for a really good movie (like they used to make them—no foul language and sex left up to the imagination) then you will want to watch, if you haven’t already, The Intern with Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway.   Robert De Niro plays a retired widower who signs on to be a senior intern for a start-up internet clothing company.  The “generation gap” as it is portrayed in the film is touching, hilariously funny, and eventually reconciled as De Niro and the young 20 somethings interact with one another and come to see there really isn’t a generation gap after all—they all want the same thing:  meaning and purpose in their lives, to be appreciated, and most important of all, have close and personal friendships.

There is one scene in the movie where Robert De Niro explains why he always has a handkerchief in his suit pocket.  He tells this young man whom he is mentoring that men always carry a handkerchief with them so they can give one to a woman when they need one.  De Niro explains that women cry sometimes and (as happened in an earlier scene) they can use one to wipe away their tears.  De Niro goes on to explain that carrying a handkerchief is “one of the last vestiges of a chivalrous man.”

As Christians living in a post-Christian era, we should not lament and mourn the end of chivalry; we should be resurrecting it back to life; not in a sexist kind of way but in the name and spirit of Christian servanthood.  De Niro called carrying a handkerchief an act of service to others, “I carry a handkerchief for a woman who needs one.”  Not for himself but for someone who needs one.  Paul said that we should put the interests of others ahead of our own (Phil. 2:4).  James wrote in his letter (2:14-17) that real faith is found in action.  He gives the example of saying to someone who is in need of food and clothing, “I hope you get some” and none is provided that that man’s faith is dead.  Actions speak louder than words.

Jesus really brings servanthood to the forefront of the Christian life.  John records in his Gospel (13:13-16) Jesus washing the disciple’s feet.  When he finished, Jesus said this: “Do you understand what I have done for you? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.  Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I done for you.”  Notice that twice Jesus said he did this for the disciples not to the disciples.  Jesus washing the disciples’ feet was action out of love, not just setting an example.

In Mark 10:42-45 we read, ^“Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Connect this with John 3:16 and again we have not an example but an action born out of love and compassion. 

Servanthood, carrying a handkerchief for the purpose of lending it to someone who needs it, isn’t just about meeting the needs of others or living out a piece of Biblical advice.  It goes to the core of our very Christian heart; that Christ has so changed us that we care about others.  Period.  We care about the big things and we care about the little things.  And it’s the little things that speak with the greatest volume.  If I don’t care about the little things, then I am certainly not going to care about the big things.  Jesus put it into perspective when he said, “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much” (Luke 16:10).  My heart, my faithfulness, to the little things says that I can be trusted to be faithful, have a heart, for the bigger things.

Two other scenes later in the movie play off this handkerchief.  One is where Anne Hathaway (who is De Niro’s boss and head of the company where he is interning) lets him know how much she has come to trust and rely on him.  The other is at the very end of the movie when she is forgiving her husband for having an affair.  He is deeply sorry as he confesses his sin to her and she is forgiving when she hugs him.  In the midst of her tears she tells her husband, “I wish you had a handkerchief”.  That handkerchief, while a small thing and the lending of it a kind gesture, spoke volumes to Anne Hathaway’s character about what it means to care and what it means to be faithful and trusted.  De Niro’s character cared not only about the business but about her as well.  It was chivalrous to be sure, but it was also servanthood that was a result of plain caring.

As Christians we are different from the world because we have a different heart than the world has.  May we remain different from the world rather than conformed to the world (Romans 12:1).  Let’s resurrect the handkerchief and make carrying one fashionable again.  Let the dry bones of Christian chivalry come together and put on muscle and flesh and blood and be alive again.  Not by our power nor by our might, but by the power of the Spirit of God (Zechariah 4:6) may we take on the role of caring servants to one another, beginning with the small things and working our way up to the big things!

AE

A Lifetime of Lifetimes

Time was created by God on the first day of creation when he said, “There was evening and there was morning, the first day.”  It was man whom God endowed with the ability of thought and reasoning, who took that time frame and divided days into seconds, minutes, and hours; It was man who fashioned days into weeks and weeks into years.  Time—a means of marking chronologically the progression of our individual lives and our common lives together.

Time never changes.  A second is always a second; never any longer or any shorter.  Sixty seconds will tick off a minute, and sixty minutes will always be an hour.  That will never change.  And while time is a constant, it is at the same time relative.  The older we get the faster time seems to pass.  When one is waiting for something to happen time seems to march slowly; then before you know it, it is over and weeks have gone by since it happened and it seems like it was yesterday.  Older people wish time would slow down and not pass by so quickly because their lives seem to be winding down too fast.  Young people wish time would speed up because they have their whole lives in front of them and they want to start living their lives; the future seems so far away.

Even the Bible seems to impress upon us an urgency in making use of our time.  Jesus said that we must do the work of him who sent us while it is day for night is coming when no one can work (John 9:4).  Jesus also advised us to stay awake and be found in the faith and putting that faith into practice because he would come again like a thief in the night (Mark 13:35-37).  And yet, in the space of one lifetime we can live a multitude of lifetimes.  Our childhood is one lifetime.  Eighteen years of growing up to a child seems like an eternity; but when you turn 80 or 90 childhood seems like an eternity away as some 50 to 60 years have passed.  Eight years of college to become a doctor or a lawyer or a pastor can discourage many a young man or woman from entering those careers because 8 years can seem too long to wait to get on with life.  But even if you finish all of your studies and graduate when you are 30, you still have 30 to 50 years left to practice your chosen profession.

Moses was forty years old when he fled for his life from Egypt to Midian.  One lifetime.  He lived in Midian 40 years before God called him to lead his people out of their bondage in Egypt.  A second lifetime.  Forty years later, when Moses was 120 years old, called him home to glory.  A third lifetime.  One lifetime, but three lifetimes lived.

My first wife and I dated for 4 years and were married for 15 before she died.  But in that time I went through 8 years of college; we had two children; we lived in Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, and back to Iowa; and I served 4 congregations as a pastor and vicar.  And while life seemed over when she died and seems like it was just yesterday, twenty-four years have now gone by since the Lord called her home to glory.  I have lived lots life since she died.  We moved to Nevada where my kids finished growing up.

We lived in Nevada longer than anyplace else since my childhood.  I met Teryl and we married and integrated her family and my family together as one family.  And while we both have some very precious memories and a great love for our time in Nevada, thirteen years have passed by since we moved here—another lifetime.  In that time my all of our kids have married and we are the proud grandparents of 6 grandchildren.  We have traveled all over the country and to some places outside the country.

I used to be numbered among the youngest in the congregations I pastored, but now I find that I am numbered amongst some of the oldest.  Many of my classmates from High School and college are retired and many have died.  Where once my whole life was in front of me it seems more and more to be behind me.  Time seems to be running out.  And yet, in many ways, it is just beginning all over again.  If God so wills, perhaps another 8 years of ministry left until retirement.  That seems like a long time from now in some respects, and yet it will be here before I know it.  By comparison to the 8 years in college, the 3 years at my first parish, the 8 years at my dual parish and the nine years in Nevada, and the 13 I have been here, those 8 years are equal to whole lifetime! That will give me 41 years in the ministry.  Eight years of college seems like a drop in the bucket by comparison.

 And should I, by the grace of God, live in retirement for 10 or 15 years after that that will be an entirely other lifetime.  That trite cliché of today is the first day of the rest of your life becomes a very profound truth.  Time is running out the moment we are born and at the same time life is full to the very end.

God has ordained all of our days and they are written in His book before they come to pass (Psalm 139:16).  He knows every one of them.  Whether our lives are long or short doesn’t matter; no matter how we are we still have life left yet to live.  And no matter how young we are, we shouldn’t be anxious about the future.  It will get here soon enough and be gone soon enough.  All of this leads to another even more profound truth:  God sure knows how to pack a lot of life into one lifetime!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

AE